Winged Dreams

As a little boy Shyamal dreamed of flying those magnificent flying machines that take to the skies so gracefully! He would imagine sitting in the cockpit and charting a safe course over land and sea not just for himself but for many others. As he grew up life threw up many challenges not least being disdain from teachers who never understood him. While his father loved Shyamal dearly he harbored a strong desire for him to join the family business.

Throughout his childhood and well into his eventful adolescence Shyamal kept his dream alive. Every time academic pressures threatened to overwhelm him he would retreat into a private world in which he vusialized flying aircraft of all kinds. The boring accountancy classes were the perfect runway from which his fertile imagination took off! Since his heart was in the cockpit and not in the ledger books he neither did well in his BCom exams nor did he succumb to familial pressure to join the well-established business.

The family held intense discussions with Shyamal about his career. Through it all his mother was a refuge of unconditional love and encouragement. As a friend and mentor to the family for over 25 years I was naturally concerned about the imbroglio. At one particular meeting I could see the tension eating into the vitals of the family. But I could also see the passion for flying that was consuming Shyamal.

Having observed him for years while he was growing up I also knew that Shyamal’s motor skills, hand-eye coordination, powers of observation and ability to act decisively made him a natural as a flyer. I also realized that he nurtured a mortal fear of being grounded, in a chair, behind a desk. That was a recipe for disaster!

Shyamal was destined to fly! I was convinced that if he pursued a career in flying Shyamal would metamorphose from an unhappy, brash young man with a devil-may-care attitude into a responsible, mature, super-dependable, balanced, happy and successful professional. I was convinced that this young man was born to fly! Fortunately, that was exactly what I was able to encourage the family to realize too. And so, Shyamal spread his wings!

The transformation was not only amazing; it was as dramatic as it was unbelievable! And, awe-inspiring! Within 2 years, a young man who was academically disinterested during his school and college years studied, mastered and passed literally with flying colours every exam that he needed to take in maths, physics, chemistry, principles of flight, navigation and what have you! From rookie to qualified commercial pilot in 24 months!

While he was at the Baroda Flying Club I ran into Shyamal at the Baroda Airport; that was when I shared my dream with him. I said to him, “ Shyamal, one day, soon, you will fly a state-of-art Boeing 737 as Commander and I will be onboard as a proud passenger.” On 25^th July 2012 that dream was fulfilled when I flew Jetairways 9W 2103 from Mumbai to Kochi with Captain Shyamal Asher in command. I’ll never be happier or prouder during a flight! 

It just proves that if we keep our dreams alive with focus, determination, perseverance and fearlessness the dream is bound to become reality!

Thank you Capt Shyamal Asher for inspiring me!

Fear Prevents Sharing

In close personal relationships people are expected to share all aspects of their life with each other. And yet sharing is constrained and inhibited. Haven't you heard the refrains " you're not sharing" and you're keeping secrets from me" ! In your own relationships haven't you experienced the other person holding back many experiences from you ? Haven't you held back deeply personal experiences from your best friend, spouse, lover and soulmate ? And doesn't such a holding back create stress and recriminations in hurly burly of daily life ? Don't they erect barriers in relationships?

Why do people hold back from sharing experiences, doubts, fears, worries, problems, sorrows, and expectations from even their most intimate loved ones ?

The answer is simple: fear!

• Fear of judgment: He fears that you will judge him and think less of him and in that way you will distance yourself from him. For example a gay friend of mine once held back from sharing his gay nature fearing that he would lose my friendship; he feared that I would judge him and drop him. Only when he was sure that I would not judge him and walk away from him did he share his life fully. Today, some 20 years later we are the closest of friends! And, I'm sure I can share everything with him!
• Fear of Not Being Understood: She feels that you will never understand her because your approach to life is very different. Why try to share when you are so different and insensitive that you will not even make an effort to understand a different point of view or experience ?
• Fear of Not Being Listened to: He feels that trying to share something with you is pointless. That's because you simply won't even listen. Forget agreeing with him; you won't even let him communicate what's on his mind before jumping in and dismantling not only his ideas but also his persona! He therefore believes that you don't care and you're too full of yourself. So why try to share ? In any case your ideas are what are going to carry the day and his ideas are going to be buried under a mountain of rebuttals. He has no incentive to share at all!
• Fear Of Abuse: She will never share anything with you if you have demonstrated a pattern of becoming angry and losing control of your behavior and words. Abuse and anger are very close and if nasty words flow in a torrent sparked by anger, she is never going to open up to you again. Why would she risk her self-esteem by sharing? After all, self-esteem is the most precious possession she has! She can't bear to have her self-esteem wounded by your abuse!
• Fear of Exposure: He fears that by sharing with you he's risking exposure! Very simply put, he just can't trust you to keep confidences. Perhaps you've talked to someone else about some confidential matter he once shared with you; so he's lost the confidence that you can hold secrets. He is afraid that you will leak his secrets and that will open him to ridicule and harm. 
• Fear Of Boomerangs: She's mortally scared that you will use against her something sensitive, precious and important that she once shared with you. This is especially true if you continue to rub salt into her wounds and specialize in not just touching but sawing at her raw nerves! Do you keep harping on her weaknesses or her circumstances and run her down in the choicest words ? Do you make disparaging remarks on specific areas of her life, her relationships and her values ? If so, you can be sure that she will never trust you with her weakest moments because in your hands that is knowledge which you will use without compunction in a fit of anger to behead her like the Australian aborigines use boomerangs! 

Sharing doesn't have much to do with your partner in the relationship. It has everything to do with you! Your words, your conduct, your patience and your breadth, depth and love as a human being are what create a conducive atmosphere for your partner to share in your relationship. If you deeply desire sharing, you simply must eliminate the fear that you have introduced into the relationship. Remove the fear by making deep and substantive internal changes in yourself and experience the miracle that your partner's sharing will create in your relationship! Why share ? Because, sharing perpetuates relationships.

Success Mantra

Success Mantra

·      What does your career hold for you as it unfolds over the next 30 years ?

o   Huge opportunities for expanding your skills and knowledge

o   Experience of varied professional situations

o   Daunting challenges

o   Reward & recognition

o   Acountability & responsibility

o   Personal triumph and tragedy

·      How do you navigate this stormy sea successfully over the next 30 years?

o   First of all, build a “can do” attitude

o   Learn “possibility thinking”

o   Commit to personal learning every second

o   Reflect on every event and then assimilate the learning into your consciousness so that the next event gets the benefit of your learning from  previous events; this is called experience

o   At the same time don’t become a prisoner of the past; always look at the future not just as extension of the past but as an opportunity to create something new and valuable by traversing the tough path of personal change

o   Remember Peter Drucker’s famous words “ the best way to predict the future is to create it”

·      Here’s a success mantra for you : RILR where:

o   R stands for results; results are everything; efforts are only important insofar as they create results; mere effort means nothing

o   I stands for integrity, ethics, character and honesty; don’t deviate even a fraction from this because ruin is certain if you do; also, your reputation is your brand equity and that is entirely dependent on the big “I” of Integrity

o   L stands for learning; you know better than I do that in today’s world what is current today is obsolete tomorrow; therefore survival demands that you learn continuously; commit to reading, writing and thinking to help you deliver results consistently

o   R stands for relationships; they provide the foundation of your life, personal and professional; don’t just create superficial social media networks; instead, invest in deep and meaningful relationships that provide support, encouragement and feedback for you throughout your life; but remember, relationships need investment of your time, care and love; in other words, relationships are all about giving, not taking; when you give, you receive multiple times what you gave