Beyond Proof

Have you noticed how you have to prove yourself every moment ?

• ·      You’ve got to prove to yourself that you are good-looking so you pose in front of the mirror
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you are intelligent and well-informed so you inject your views and opinions into the midst of every conversation
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you are right so you thump the desk and stomp on feelings
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you’re worthy of attention so you throw tantrums
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you are big and powerful so you throw your weight around
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you deserve love so you let your volcanic emotions spew out red-hot emotions
• ·      You’ve got to prove your integrity so you’ve got to keep records and release them online
• ·      You’ve got to prove that there’s nothing to hide so you bare your soul
• ·      You’ve got to prove that your competence is world-class so you trot out the testimonials and data
• ·      You’ve got to prove remorse so you’ve got to commit seppuku
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you are a gentleman so you come last
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you have no vested interest so you forego reward
• ·      You’ve got to prove that your intentions are pure so you plead your case
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you’re innocent so you fight the battle
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you’re not guilty so you take the beating
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you’re not a coward so you don’t run away
• ·      You’ve got to prove that you’re not someone else
•  

Living is proof! Because the temporal world will never tire of demanding proof. Transcending the need to prove is spiritual progress. Going deep within to that level of eternal unity and security where nothing affects you. No turbulence, no upheaval, no threat, no fear. Realizing that you are not the body, not the mind, not the past , not the future, not the ego but the Supreme Reality that is ever Present. Accepting that your mistakes and errors and follies are all milestones on the journey to the Self and therefore mandatory. Not for the weak since the path is steep and paved with searing emotion. Chanting the holy name is the staff that you hold firmly and lean on while going beyond the need and demand to prove. And that is life, not just living. Then and then only can you love and be loved.

Multitasking Myth

In today's hi-speed world more and more is squeezed into the 24 constant hours in a day. Therefore, everyone is perennially short of time. Consequently, many activities run concurrently. People are processing multiple tasks simultaneously. They assume that doing several things at the same time is the best and only way to succeed. Just like microprocessors perform myriads of computations per second! But there the analogy breaks down. People are vastly different from computers even though many human beings have now morphed into near robotic zombies!

Is multitasking inevitable or desirable ? The answer is a firm no on both counts! Surprised or indignant ? Stop for a moment and think about what I'm about to say!

Completing a task and meeting a deadline is not important. What is important is completing a task as per specifications, without errors, with total accuracy as per deadline, with excellence. That is a huge difference. Knocking things together just to meet a deadline contains the seeds of failure within it. That's because the hurried, stressed-out performance of a task  automatically reduces attention to detail and therefore guarantees errors. Hurry and stress, as is well known, extract a fearsome toll in terms of damage to health and relationships. Errors force you to incur  huge costs for correction which in turn lead to time overruns. Add to that the loss of reputation and credibiity and the costs are truly mindboggling. Success can never accompany such astronomical costs.

Multitasking sets you up for failure. This sounds counterintuitive and contrary to conventional wisdom. But reflect a moment and you'll see what I'm getting at. If you slow down and do one thing at a time your focus and concentration on what you're doing will climb exponentially. When that happens, you'll begin delivering error-free output first time right (which incidentally is what total quality is all about). Complete one task fully and then move to the next. Close one issue and then take up the next. That way you'll be able to devote your undivided attention to the task at hand. The quality of your work is then bound to increase. While the time per activity may be marginally higher, accuracy and quality will be exponentially better. Since you wont spend any time going back and fixing errors, your projects will take the same or less time. Your 24 hours will become far more productive and effective.

So if you do one thing at a time how do you handle zillions of tasks that have to be completed as per deadline? 

This is where your discrimination and planning come into play. Learn to differentiate between what is urgent and what is important; the two are rarely the same. Very often, much more often than we care to admit, procrastination and complacency combine insidiously and make us neglect that which is important. That's because the really important priorities rarely make a hue and cry and clamour for our attention. So we conveniently neglect them until the eleventh hour. Then panic sets in! Important has now become a life-threatening urgent, emergency! 

If you are constantly lurching from one urgent-emergency to another its a sure sign that you are neither discriminating between what is important and urgent nor are you planning and preparing adequately. Because you are under such extreme time pressure your concentration is all but absent. Since you are constantly worrying about the outcome you are taking your eyes off the ball and so your work is always shoddy.

How do you make a difference to your work style ?

First, understand what is truly important and what is urgent. Pour your attention on the important stuff. To understand this, take an example and look at your relationships. Strengthening your relationships is clearly important. That means lavishing time and attention on people you care about. If you dont do that nobody is likely to complain vociferously or violently (at least not most of the time). But after a while, your loved ones will move away or become cold to you. Then it becomes a crisis and the relationship is on the verge of breakdown; mending it becomes an urgent necessity. The important has now grown fangs and is about to go for your jugular in the garb of an urgent Dracula! The fact of the matter is that your neglect converted the important saint into an urgent vampire. Who is responsible ? I must of course hasten to add that an emergency like an accident or sudden illness or death (God forbid) is outside the scope of what I've just said. You do need to drop everything and respond to those emergencies. Bit its applicable to all else.

Second, allocate higher priority to the important items on your list. The most important items deserve the highest priority.

Third, allot a greater amount of time for the important items.  Start early. Wake up earlier, drop aimless wandering and spend time preparing for your assignments. Give adequate time for yourself to complete the project with excellence. 

Fourth, plan as far ahead as you can.  However, keep some empty spaces in your schedule because unforseen events are bound to occur. That way you'll be able to respond to some crisis or emergency as it arises. Think of all possibilities when you plan your schedule.

Fifth, learn to say no when you are overloaded already. Dont take on an ever increasing load just because you want to please everyone. If you do that you wont do justice to your responsibilities and you are bound to fail or even suffer breakdowns of various kinds (health, relationships, financial, emotional); your own life, reputation and well being are at stake. And let's face it, nobody really cares about any of that except you! If you turn in poor quality because you are overloaded, no one is going to give you any margins any way.

And finally, think and re-think your priorities constantly. To do that you've got to set your direction. What's really important to you ? Where do you want to be ten years from now ? These are the questions that you need to stop and ponder over often. That's when your priorities become clearer.

When you learn to think clearly through these steps you'll automatically slow down and do one thing at a time with excellence. Of course this takes practice and dedication. Then, multitasking, fragmented attention, stress and lack of concentration will all decline significantly. That's when success bestows her luscious fruits on you!

Transcending Judgment

Have you noticed how people avoid sharing their intimate secrets with you? Doesnt it bother you and indeed, hurt you, to find out that your partner or child or even best friend did not confide in you ? Having enjoyed the deepest and richest of those relationships with you they chose to keep their moments of truth away from you! Why then, you wonder in agony, did they chose to ignore you and hide those most personal of experiences from you?

The answer is not obvious. And yet it lies in that most wonderful and timeless lesson Jesus taught us aeons ago. "Judge ye not" he cautioned, and then followed up with the admonition "for who are ye to judge?" Dont be holier than thou because you come fully loaded with all the faults yourself. How can you then point the finger at someone else? Arent you taking on the position that Transactional Analysis categorizes as "I'm ok, your not ok"?. Iron out the blemishes in yourself before you chastise or blame someone else. As Gandhiji showed, demonstrate with your own personal thought, word and deed what change is all about. And even then you dont have the right to paint someone else black!

Jesus goes much further than that, of course. "Let him cast the first stone who has not sinned" he says pungently! If you are going to stone a sinner, pay heed! Have you sinned yourself, and who hasnt, by the way ? If you've committed any trespasses, be warned, says Jesus, you've forfeited the right to label anyone else a sinner. How many us can claim a record as pure as the driven snow ? You can say, "to err is human", that everyone makes mistakes and is imperfect and that being human is by definition a search for perfection. That is exactly why we cannot tar someone else for making a mistake or committing a "sin". 

A lot of the time we unconsciously put a distance from a person who looks different or subscribes to a different lifestyle or value system from us. That someone somehow looks or feels "bad" or "sinful". We take stereotypical positions about an entire race or denomination or community. And so the difference grows and misunderstandings are embellished into myths and assumptions. Walls are reinforced and communication evaporates. A lack of understanding curdles into dislike and hatred. Just because other people are different! Just because we have  passed judgement on others!

The minute we pass judgement two things happen. 


One, we somehow lower the other person in our esteem and begin to mistrust him. Our relationship with him changes forever. The same level of closeness or intimacy can never be regained. Our behaviour towards him changes subtly at first but far more noticeably in a short time. Second, the other person senses the change immediately and hurts immeasurably. Very often he'll hit back. And then he too begins to adjust his behaviour. The death knell of the relationship has well and truly been sounded!


So, why dont people share personal experiences sometimes ? The answer is a pathological fear of being judged. They dont have the confidence that you'd understand without judgment. Somehow they feel that you'll label them as "bad" and not love them anymore. That you'll think less of them. That you'll stop trusting them. That you'll put a distance with them. That they'll lose you. They simply cant take all these huge risks! So, they'll play safe and simply not confide in you.


The onus is really on you! You are the one who has not instilled in them the confidence that you'll be with them and for them no matter what. Its your behaviour and your words that have prevented from enjoying that comfort and safety of complete acceptance. The shoe is really on your foot. Its up to you to demonstrate a loving acceptance of all the vagaries or eccentricities of those close to you! You dont have to agree with all they say or do but you certainly can refrain from judging them in any way.


Isnt that better than being hurt when they dont share the most intimate aspects of their life with you ? Isnt it far more enriching to transcend judgment of others all the time ?

Leadership Results

Leadership exists for results. The two are inseparable. Like the two sides of the same coin. You cant be a leader without delivering results. Nor can you post results without being a leader. One cant exist without the other. Never create a semantic dichotomy between leadership and results!

You have been placed in a position of leadership because, bosses, peers, subordinates and all other stakeholders are convinced that you bring to the table a formidable array of capabilities. Your repertoire of knowledge, skills, attitudes and talents are expected to synergize with your character and personality. And that creative combustion will hopefully propel the organization onto a higher trajectory. 

A higher trajectory can only be attained by the booster rocket of consistent results. That translates into specific, measureable, binary, time-defined and challenging outcomes achieved by ethical means. So, all the disciplines of execution and operations are interwoven into the definition of leadership. 

Responsibility for quarterly results as well as strategic direction rests entirely on the leader. Short and long term results are the yin and yang of leadership. Unfortunately, very few people in leadership positions are able to nuance their style to deliver an effective balance between these two sometimes conflicting requirements. But those who do cross over into the pantheon of great leaders. What good is strategic direction if the quarterly cash flows run out and start cannibalizing reserves ? Similarly, what is the benefit of bulging cash reserves if the long term survivability of the organization is neither visualized nor invested in ?

Leadership is therefore all about creating results while at the same time creating the capacity to continuously deliver results!

Encouragement Magic

Everyone wants affirmation and validation. This is a need that wells up from the deepest recesses of our being. No matter what station, age or circumstance, every human being needs to feel accepted and valued. Anyone who wants to enjoy rich and rewarding relationships simply has to understand this basic truth. However this understanding has to be translated into specific behaviour. How do you do that ?

Its really quite simple! Just be an encouraging presence under all circumstances. Never say "I told you so". Instead of looking for faults, focus on strengths. People are usually painfully aware of their own shortcomings so there's no need to rub it in. In any case, are you perfect ? What gives you the right to adopt a holier than thou attitude ? Have you perfected yourself ? Before we criticize, point the finger or lay the blame let's remember that all that will simply create resentment in the other person. This is especially so when the criticism is unsolicited. And let's face it, most of the time your criticism and indeed your input or even advice is suo motu, given without being asked. 

If you are really serious about harmonizing and enriching your relationships, change your paradigm from advice and criticisim to encouragement, appreciation. Learn to ask open ended questions like " how about this ?". When you encourage a person and appreciate her effort or success no matter how small, you're actually helping that person grow to gargantuan proportions. That's because encouragement and appreciation are translated internally into affirmation and validation that nourish self-esteem and self-worth. These in turn build self confidence and courage both of which are the harbingers of results.

Encouraging creates magical change by creating a motivation to excel. A leader is always constructive and looking for ways to build people internally. That's how he can build not just skyscrapers but also successful organizations and families. So, always look for reasons to appreciate, encourage and celebrate!

Universal Aspirations

Everybody has the same aspirations! Even though every human being is placed in differing circumstances the aspirations are all, more or less, the same. What do we all really want ? Each of us wants to be happy, healthy, prosperous. We care about being well fed and well-heeled so that we can provide for our loved ones. We'll will do everything to build a roof over our heads. We want to stay healthy so that our income and way of life is protected. After our material needs for food, clothing and shelter are satisfied we look to the higher order psychological needs to be met. We want self esteem and the esteem of society. We want to be recognized; we have a need to belong to families, groups, clubs, associations, organizations. Very few of us can eschew societal moorings. We want to look good in front of others; we want to feel good and feel fulfilled. Ultimately, we want to become our own ideal selves, the best we can be.   Somehow, we strive to arrive at the pinnacle of personal and professional growth. At that point we'd really love to be above the fray. This is what Abraham Maslow pointed out many decades ago. 

The commonality of our aspirations is a great unifier.  Our differences really are only on the surface level. Deeper down, we're all the same because every human being aspires to the same things physically and psychologically. Arent we all really searching for love! As Mother Theresa once said, the poverty of love is really the worst penury of all. Validation, acceptance, respect, and love...these, and not just cells and genes and chromosomes, indeed are the building blocks of life. The Bible ( Corinthians) affirms emphatically that of these three things, faith, hope and love, love is the greatest. All of us can only live if love exists in our lives.

This is exactly what Indian spirituality is all about too,. While our bodies come in myriad sizes, shapes and configurations, they are all mere vehicles driven by the atman. And the atman is just a reflection of the Supreme Reality. The body is the temple in which the Supreme resides. The physical entity is actually a city with 9 doors ; the resident of this city, the in-dweller, so to speak is the atman. The atman is the same, unchanged, unborn,  omnipresent facet of the Supreme. Our bodies are just the clothing worn and discarded, as the Gita teaches us, by the atman.  So we are all fundamentally the same...the atman. We simply drive different brands and models of flesh and blood vehicles!

If we can grasp this supreme truth we'll be changed forever for the better! No more will we try to create separations that identify only with the bodies. We'll realize the he is just like us and she too is just the same. Why then should we fight and argue and spread distress and sadness ? Cant we help others become the best they can be ? We'll then understand that this ts the way to become the best we can be. The surest way to achieve our aspirations is to  focus on helping others achieve their aspirations! Once this realization seeps into our consciousness we'll see the unity in all human beings, indeed in all beings, in life itself. That's when we can lead the way outwards from deep within. That's when we can lead others because leadership, like charity, begins from within!